crying happiness

Tears of joy come when you are so happy, so ecstatic that your body doesn't know what to do.  You are so happy that your body does the action that usually happens when you feel the exact opposite. So happy, you cry.

  

I am so thankful for tears of joy.  Other than being way better than tears of sadness, for obvious reasons,  I think it is one of the strongest and most rare emotions that you can go through. 

Crying tears of joy brings you through an emotion experience where you feel both a peace about the situation and a restlessness that makes you want to jump, all at the same time.  Sometimes it feels like you are going through ten different emotional responses, while supporting just one.  

Tears of joy can't be forced. I’ve heard of people who can cry on command.  However, I don’t think this is possible with tears of joy.  It’s not possible because there is a face that goes along with the tears.   A face that no one can produce on command, a face that declares your love for that exact moment.  

I was blessed to be in my friends' wedding a couple of weeks ago.  As the bride turned the corner and caught in the groom's vision, he began to cry ( along with 99 percent of the bridesmaids).  I could see the joy illuminate from this face.  I’m sure there are no words that could have described how much joy he felt at that moment.  So much joy that all he could do is cry.  

And as I stood there with the other bridesmaids half crying, half smiling at the situation. I thought, I hope someday I can make someone that happy by just the mere sight of me.  

Jesus whispered, " You already do."  

embrace

We sat at the pizza place across the street from my apartment, as I asked her what she would miss the most about the United States.  I have asked this question to so many of my dear friends from around the world this year and I usually get about the same answer.   They will either miss the people or the food.   It doesn't take them long to answer it and it is always as if they read that is what they should say in a book or something.  Expecting the same answer, I waited patiently for her response, but it never came.  Instead, she sat there thinking.  Then came an answer that I knew was full of thought and really what she would miss the most.

She said hugs.

I remember when she first came and we would hug her.  It was awkward to say the least.  Later she told me that before those first days she had never really hugged anyone outside her family before and even within her family it was rare.  She explained to me how strange hugs were to her and how she didn't even know where to place her head.  That soon changed. She quickly became one of my most warm and hugged friends.

She said she feels loved through hugs.

Again this summer I work with children ages 3 to 4.  As much as I try to enjoy them, somedays when the toilet is clogged, the entire box of cheerios becomes the artwork decorating the floor, and a bottle of orange paint is used as make-up, within ten mintues, I want to run and hide.  However, this is usually about the time they redeem themselves through a hug. A true three year olds hug comes out of nowhere.  It usually involves either a full-on run at you when you are sitting on the ground or a magnetic attraction to your leg, but either way you know that they whole-heartly mean it.  They wholeheartedly love you for you being you.  The wholeheartedly love you for loving them.  Their hugs have saved me many "bad" days and always seem to bring me back the next day with a smile on my face.  

Thank you Lord for the ability to love others through simple actions.  Without even saying a word we send a message that says exactly how we feel.
A simple hug meant more to one girl, becoming something she will never forget.
A simple hug reminds me of why I am there, just when I am about to forget.  

Near the end of the semester I found a website that had suggests on how to greet or not greet international students.  I clicked on Japan and it strongly suggested not to hug people from this culture, as they are not accustomed to it.  I laughed at how we had done the exact opposite.

The world seems to say a "simple" action isn't enough.  It screams "bigger is better" but I think the Lord works His biggest in the simplest.
And thats why I love to thank Him for the simplest in the biggest of ways.

no coincidence

the view from the top of my apartment building

So I've been driving a lot lately, therefore I've been listening to a lot of NPR.  For some reason I love NPR, the stories are so borderline boring that they are interesting.  There was an entire story the other day on a category on craigslist that was for people to post descriptions of people they saw on the street or talked to one day for a few seconds and wanted to meet again.  A chance encounter or glance that they thought might be more, their only chance at making a connection.

NPR did it again. The story struck me.  How powerful can just being in a certain place at a certain time be? How important is just "being there" to your story? Or maybe someone else's?

I don't believe that our God is a God of coincidence.  I am thankful for the way he orchestrates my life.  I don't think that there is such a thing as "chance encounters".  I believe that God has a beautiful way of stringing everything together and making it all work, all function, all happen for His glory.  I'm thankful for being able to be a part of such a beautiful picture.

The other day I was walking downtown when a lady asked me for some bus money.  I was with a friend and selfishly busy and told her that I didn't think so.  Without even taking a break in step.  I got about 5 steps when God yelled at me to stop, turn around, talk to her.  I told me friend, sorry but I have to go back.  We turned around and I asked the lady how much she needed.
Fifty cents.
Fifty cents was all she needed.
I gave it to her and she began to tell me about how her back was out and could not walk home anymore, therefore needing bus money.  Immediately, I had a heart for this woman.  I told her Jesus loved her and was about to ask if I could pray for her, when she screamed out in joy, "I know, and He is coming back for me."  I was floored by this woman's passion for the Lord through all of her struggles and situation.  She faithfully loved the Lord, through it all.  She believed.  But most of all she encouraged me.

That was not a "chance encounter" or a coincidence.  God placed her there in my life.  I am thankful for her and for the beautiful way God weaves together my story for his amazing glory.

I can't wait to see who else I will meet and what other people will come into my life, in all places, at all times, for Him.

books

The other day I went to Barnes and Nobles to look at books, get lost in them for hours, and leave without buying anything.  Something I do quite often. 

As I walked in the door I was greeted by a Barnes and Noble's employee trying to sell me the "Nook".  The Nook is similar to the Ipad and Amazon's "Kindle", they are all basically mini computer screens that allow you to read books on them, instead of actually having a book.  I sat there and listened to the employee's selling speech for 10 minutes, I always seemed to get sucked into those things, about how great this little device is.  I'll admit it was pretty cool but not a book, not for me.

It made me so thankful for books. 

I love...
how the pages get can a little crinkled after reading them ten times.
the smell, both new and old.
that you can underline the good parts, so you can come back and reread those parts (even though you usually don't).
when you  close the book and slowly watch your bookmark move farther and farther back.
that each is different, little/small, old/new, thick/thin.
how they look on the shelf, all lined up, ready to be read.
sharing them.

Someday I'd like to have a library of books, all different kinds of books.  Books that I've read, books that I want to read, books that are not on a computer screen.   

first time

I can get into a routine so easily, each day like the day before.  Maybe there is a little something different here or there, but basically the same.  I was reading something the other day, what it was I honestly can't remember, but it asked me a simple question : "When was the last time you did something for the first time?"  I honestly couldn't remember.
How many amazing things that God has created do I miss out on everyday because I simply don't take the time to experience them.  I'm not always talking about big things, such as traveling half way across the world to see one of the eight wonders of the world, I'm talking about things that areavailable to me but I don't experience because I don't try.  I fall into routine.
I made a list.  A list of things that I have never experienced, always wanted to try, but just ever did.  I am going to do one every week.  I am going to enjoy God in a new way every week. 
Last week I went to a Chinese Church.  It was completely in Chinese.  I had no idea what they were saying.  I sat, experienced what it was like to be an outsider in a new culture, and talked to God.  The whole service was an hour and a half.  I had never experienced anything like that.  People would laugh, at what? I had no idea.  People would stand and I would be the last one.  People would sing when I could only hum along with the melody. 
I experienced God in a new way.  I experienced a new reason to praise Him. 

My list continues to grow. For example, just today I added learning how to play a song on the guitar.  I will continue to experience God in new ways.  I will continue to rejoice and praise Him.  I will continue to share.  
  

tired

As I sit in the coffee shop listening to what I can only describe as a mixture between a boy band and techno ballads, my dear friend sleeps in the chair next to me.  She is exhausted.  We spent the morning walking in a park, celebrating Earth Day picking up trash, and the afternoon thrift store shopping in uptown.
I'm so thankful for being tired.  It is not an empty tired, like after you sit on the couch all day and then get tired from doing nothing and feel guilty for doing nothing.  I'm thankful for that fulfilling tired.  The kind you get after you have accomplished something.  It makes it worth it to feel exhausted.   Even though you feel you can't go on, you have a slight urge to continue beyond your own strength, you did something, you enjoyed God's creation, you enjoyed God.  

back to the future

I am thankful for God using my "past-self" to love me.
I have a ton of old journals.  I write in a journal almost everyday. Sometimes more.
I'm not sure why I keep them.  Maybe it's because they could get published someday after I do something amazing and everyone wants to meet me.  Maybe its because they add more "books" to my book self.  Maybe its because I like how the pages look after they are covered in writing. Maybe, I hope someday that someone will find them, start reading them and want to talk to me about things that no one even knows. 
There is no flow to my journals.  Sometimes I am writing about a sermon I listed to, sometimes about a memory I want to remember or a quote I liked, sometimes venting, sometimes prays to God.  Completely random from one paragraph to the next.
I picked up one from my shelf yesterday, which I rarely do, and started reading.  The issues I was working through at that point and the issues I am working through now were the exact same.  Reading about how I worked through those issues in the past and what God was teaching me then really helped me now.  Basically God used myself from the past to reach me now.  He showed me that he loved me then and He's still loves me now, not a different love but a love that never increases or decreases, a constant love, always there.
I am sure why I keep my journals.  It's because God wants to love me through them, through time, continually.