middle of nowhere

This summer I've done a lot of traveling.  Driving from place to place is a strange to me at times.  I can step into a car somewhere familiar and when I step out I am somewhere completely new.  Every good road trip involves certain things, road signs counting down the miles left, quality music playing throughout the car, and friends to share it with. However, the beginning and ending are not what I am thankful for, it is that middle point, the point of no return.

On every road trip there is that point where you have gone so far that you know you aren't going to turn back, you've taken that step and the only option is to continue on to your destination.  It is a settling feeling, knowing that old place is long gone and you are on your way, along with a feeling of excitement, knowing that you will soon be at your destination, a new place.

Moving to the city about a month ago has brought me to this place and the Lord is teaching me to be thankful in that middle place.  I have left my old home, what I knew, heading to a new home, what is unknown.  I don't mean a new place physically like a town or city, but a new life, a new calling, a new purpose, not different but refined.

I am not sure what that new place is going to look like.  I have ideas that the Lord is given me before I left, however I know I have not arrived there yet. I am in the middle of nowhere surrounded by miles ahead and miles behind. As I look out the car window I see signs telling me I am closer with each and every step I take, however I am still traveling.  And traveling is what I am meant to be doing, working my way down the road, continuing to move.

Although I am far from the beginning and far from the end, the Lord is there with me, in the signs, in the music, in the friends.  For that I am thankful in this place of nowhere.  In the middle of nowhere, exactly where I am supposed to be.      

here

I live in the city now.
I am sitting in an independent coffee shop. People watching.
My bike has a flat tire. I still ride it.
I swear I have seen the girl sitting across from me before.
The place is overflowing with people.
I love the city.

I am thankful for the people of the city.  As I was riding my bike this morning I watched all the people I passed and realized how much I love it.  People living together, working together, sharing life together, being together.

I have been watching a large group of people in the corner of the coffee shop.  They all look like they are from different walks of life.  Some are old, some young, a few are more relaxed, while others full of energy.  They don't look like they belong together, but they have been talking for the past hour and it doesn't look like it will end soon.   They all have a connection.  I wonder if they are friends from life or know each other purely from this coffee shop.  A simplistic experience of place that connects them. Truth be told, it really doesn't matter.  I love how they connect, share and live.

I am thankful for the personality of the city.  I truly have a heart for it and love seeing people everyone. It is such a blessing to be able to hear different languages, see different colors, feel different emotions, enjoy difference.  Seeing the difference constantly reminds me of the glorious beauty in the different.  The vision that God created, the ART right before my eyes.

I still have no job.  I still have no specific direction.  I took a step of faith.  I am meant to be in the city. I love the art it creates.

crying happiness

Tears of joy come when you are so happy, so ecstatic that your body doesn't know what to do.  You are so happy that your body does the action that usually happens when you feel the exact opposite. So happy, you cry.

  

I am so thankful for tears of joy.  Other than being way better than tears of sadness, for obvious reasons,  I think it is one of the strongest and most rare emotions that you can go through. 

Crying tears of joy brings you through an emotion experience where you feel both a peace about the situation and a restlessness that makes you want to jump, all at the same time.  Sometimes it feels like you are going through ten different emotional responses, while supporting just one.  

Tears of joy can't be forced. I’ve heard of people who can cry on command.  However, I don’t think this is possible with tears of joy.  It’s not possible because there is a face that goes along with the tears.   A face that no one can produce on command, a face that declares your love for that exact moment.  

I was blessed to be in my friends' wedding a couple of weeks ago.  As the bride turned the corner and caught in the groom's vision, he began to cry ( along with 99 percent of the bridesmaids).  I could see the joy illuminate from this face.  I’m sure there are no words that could have described how much joy he felt at that moment.  So much joy that all he could do is cry.  

And as I stood there with the other bridesmaids half crying, half smiling at the situation. I thought, I hope someday I can make someone that happy by just the mere sight of me.  

Jesus whispered, " You already do."  

embrace

We sat at the pizza place across the street from my apartment, as I asked her what she would miss the most about the United States.  I have asked this question to so many of my dear friends from around the world this year and I usually get about the same answer.   They will either miss the people or the food.   It doesn't take them long to answer it and it is always as if they read that is what they should say in a book or something.  Expecting the same answer, I waited patiently for her response, but it never came.  Instead, she sat there thinking.  Then came an answer that I knew was full of thought and really what she would miss the most.

She said hugs.

I remember when she first came and we would hug her.  It was awkward to say the least.  Later she told me that before those first days she had never really hugged anyone outside her family before and even within her family it was rare.  She explained to me how strange hugs were to her and how she didn't even know where to place her head.  That soon changed. She quickly became one of my most warm and hugged friends.

She said she feels loved through hugs.

Again this summer I work with children ages 3 to 4.  As much as I try to enjoy them, somedays when the toilet is clogged, the entire box of cheerios becomes the artwork decorating the floor, and a bottle of orange paint is used as make-up, within ten mintues, I want to run and hide.  However, this is usually about the time they redeem themselves through a hug. A true three year olds hug comes out of nowhere.  It usually involves either a full-on run at you when you are sitting on the ground or a magnetic attraction to your leg, but either way you know that they whole-heartly mean it.  They wholeheartedly love you for you being you.  The wholeheartedly love you for loving them.  Their hugs have saved me many "bad" days and always seem to bring me back the next day with a smile on my face.  

Thank you Lord for the ability to love others through simple actions.  Without even saying a word we send a message that says exactly how we feel.
A simple hug meant more to one girl, becoming something she will never forget.
A simple hug reminds me of why I am there, just when I am about to forget.  

Near the end of the semester I found a website that had suggests on how to greet or not greet international students.  I clicked on Japan and it strongly suggested not to hug people from this culture, as they are not accustomed to it.  I laughed at how we had done the exact opposite.

The world seems to say a "simple" action isn't enough.  It screams "bigger is better" but I think the Lord works His biggest in the simplest.
And thats why I love to thank Him for the simplest in the biggest of ways.

no coincidence

the view from the top of my apartment building

So I've been driving a lot lately, therefore I've been listening to a lot of NPR.  For some reason I love NPR, the stories are so borderline boring that they are interesting.  There was an entire story the other day on a category on craigslist that was for people to post descriptions of people they saw on the street or talked to one day for a few seconds and wanted to meet again.  A chance encounter or glance that they thought might be more, their only chance at making a connection.

NPR did it again. The story struck me.  How powerful can just being in a certain place at a certain time be? How important is just "being there" to your story? Or maybe someone else's?

I don't believe that our God is a God of coincidence.  I am thankful for the way he orchestrates my life.  I don't think that there is such a thing as "chance encounters".  I believe that God has a beautiful way of stringing everything together and making it all work, all function, all happen for His glory.  I'm thankful for being able to be a part of such a beautiful picture.

The other day I was walking downtown when a lady asked me for some bus money.  I was with a friend and selfishly busy and told her that I didn't think so.  Without even taking a break in step.  I got about 5 steps when God yelled at me to stop, turn around, talk to her.  I told me friend, sorry but I have to go back.  We turned around and I asked the lady how much she needed.
Fifty cents.
Fifty cents was all she needed.
I gave it to her and she began to tell me about how her back was out and could not walk home anymore, therefore needing bus money.  Immediately, I had a heart for this woman.  I told her Jesus loved her and was about to ask if I could pray for her, when she screamed out in joy, "I know, and He is coming back for me."  I was floored by this woman's passion for the Lord through all of her struggles and situation.  She faithfully loved the Lord, through it all.  She believed.  But most of all she encouraged me.

That was not a "chance encounter" or a coincidence.  God placed her there in my life.  I am thankful for her and for the beautiful way God weaves together my story for his amazing glory.

I can't wait to see who else I will meet and what other people will come into my life, in all places, at all times, for Him.

books

The other day I went to Barnes and Nobles to look at books, get lost in them for hours, and leave without buying anything.  Something I do quite often. 

As I walked in the door I was greeted by a Barnes and Noble's employee trying to sell me the "Nook".  The Nook is similar to the Ipad and Amazon's "Kindle", they are all basically mini computer screens that allow you to read books on them, instead of actually having a book.  I sat there and listened to the employee's selling speech for 10 minutes, I always seemed to get sucked into those things, about how great this little device is.  I'll admit it was pretty cool but not a book, not for me.

It made me so thankful for books. 

I love...
how the pages get can a little crinkled after reading them ten times.
the smell, both new and old.
that you can underline the good parts, so you can come back and reread those parts (even though you usually don't).
when you  close the book and slowly watch your bookmark move farther and farther back.
that each is different, little/small, old/new, thick/thin.
how they look on the shelf, all lined up, ready to be read.
sharing them.

Someday I'd like to have a library of books, all different kinds of books.  Books that I've read, books that I want to read, books that are not on a computer screen.   

first time

I can get into a routine so easily, each day like the day before.  Maybe there is a little something different here or there, but basically the same.  I was reading something the other day, what it was I honestly can't remember, but it asked me a simple question : "When was the last time you did something for the first time?"  I honestly couldn't remember.
How many amazing things that God has created do I miss out on everyday because I simply don't take the time to experience them.  I'm not always talking about big things, such as traveling half way across the world to see one of the eight wonders of the world, I'm talking about things that areavailable to me but I don't experience because I don't try.  I fall into routine.
I made a list.  A list of things that I have never experienced, always wanted to try, but just ever did.  I am going to do one every week.  I am going to enjoy God in a new way every week. 
Last week I went to a Chinese Church.  It was completely in Chinese.  I had no idea what they were saying.  I sat, experienced what it was like to be an outsider in a new culture, and talked to God.  The whole service was an hour and a half.  I had never experienced anything like that.  People would laugh, at what? I had no idea.  People would stand and I would be the last one.  People would sing when I could only hum along with the melody. 
I experienced God in a new way.  I experienced a new reason to praise Him. 

My list continues to grow. For example, just today I added learning how to play a song on the guitar.  I will continue to experience God in new ways.  I will continue to rejoice and praise Him.  I will continue to share.